The goodbye kisses before going to the office, talking to each other endlessly, going out for candlelight dinners, sharing the same bowl of popcorn while watching a movie at home, or simply holding each other hands silently…When was the last time we did that asked Nitiya looking at her husband? They have been married for more than seven years. Eh, what did you say? Ram looked up from his laptop towards his wife.
The distorted look on Nitiya’s face made him realize that something was troubling her. Now, what did I do to upset her, he muttered to himself. But he did not recall any. Forget it, said Nitiya, it’s no point talking to you. For you, it’s your work, friends, and laptop that matter. You have no time for me. No, that’s not true, replied Ram. In fact, it’s you who is so busy with children and family, and the conversation turned again into a petty quarrel of blaming each other, leaving both of them discontented.
Well, doesn’t this scenario have a familiar acquaintance to many couples like us? Where we as couples get so busy shouldering other priorities and responsibilities of life that ‘the mood’ for spending quality time with each other despite being in LOVE begins to downslide. We unwillingly start shying away from making any extra efforts to spend time with each other exclusively.
Any committed relationship or marriage starts taking a back seat when one moves out of the initial phase of infatuation and discovery. With time, our relationship, with our committed partner becomes static and cries for inventiveness. The time we spent on children, work, parents, and other duties leaves little time for each other. But then it’s ‘normal’ isn’t that in the heap of responsibilities and other aspirations, our love life begins to fizzle over time. But just because it is ‘Normal’ doesn’t mean we need to accept this as a status quo. Instead, take advantage of this lull to bring the spark back to your relationship.
With passing time, you may have made yourself comfortable in the inertia of the love and understanding between you and your monogamous partner. But the question arises, is that enough? Or are you missing out on the crackling chemistry you both shared at the beginning of your relationship or marriage?
“It’s easy to fall in love but keeping it sparkle burning requires continuous diligence from both the life partners.” says the relationship psychologists.
So, no matter how busy and stressed out you are in life, snatch away a few moments every day to be with just each other as love mates. Expressing your feelings through your eyes is not enough until it is accompanied by actions. So, rejuvenate your romance by trying new ways to enhance your compatibility with your life partner.
Three ways to Spice up your Relationship –
1. Compatibility of Sex
Since Adam and Eve, the universal language of expressing love by the couples has been through making love.
However, to add flavors here, both partners should learn to make some healthy compromises and take out time from their busy schedules to keep the sparkle of their companionship alive.
Indulge in frequent spontaneous sex which means don’t wait until you’re in the mood to make love. This is a misconception that one should get intimate when both the partners are “in the mood”. That is practically not possible. There will be times when you are “in the mood” but the other is not or vice versa.
So, if you are going to wait for you and your partner to have matching sexual desires, then this will leave both of you frustrated and unhappy. One of you with fewer sexual urges may feel hassled with sex all the time, and the other is embarrassed for wanting more. This leads to frustration and detachment which complicates the relationship and may add up to marital discord.
It is perfectly “OK” to put in some extra effort to have a steamy session with your partner even when you are not “in the mood.” The result will be of no regret, says the Florida-based relationship psychologist, “It will satiate the sexual desires of one of the partners and the happy hormones (oxytocin) released in the process of lovemaking will euphorically uplift another person’s mood.” So, it’s a win-win situation for both as long as both partners are willingly on board. It stimulates your marital felicity and compatibility.
It’s just all about setting yourself to “get started.” The rest of what follows is two “happy souls.”
“Sex is a Panacea of any healthy committed relationship”
2. Set the Mood to talk more often
A continuous healthy chain of communication between you and your partner, where you share and talk out explicitly with each other about your needs, wishes, expectations, and apprehensions will always keep a spark in your relationship brightly lit up.
This intense medium to display emotions and feelings put you in “compatible mode and at ease” with your monogamous partner. However, both committed people need to acknowledge and respect each other feelings and come to a mutual understanding to enjoy different phases of their relationship together.
The tides of time bring forth many changes in you and your partner both mentally and physically. Similarly, the priorities in your life also keep switching. To adjust to these changes, you shall agree that open communication with each other is a MUST.
Couples who indulge in regular talking, sharing, and frequent display of emotive feelings enjoy a boisterous companionship, as it keeps on strengthening the emotional stability between the two life partners. Finding a best friend in your partner is like a ‘jewel in a crown’ in a flourishing relationship.
The feeling of trust and empathy between the couples is the basic manifesto of a thriving relationship. Talking and often exhibiting your thoughts and emotions towards your partner helps in maintaining these two manifestos.
In nutshell, the tracks of meaningful, honest regular dialogues between the couples improve the quality of their relationship as it put you ‘at ease’ with your life partner to have heartfelt discussions. This leaves a sizzling impact on your bonding.
“Sing or Nag, always give wings to the right words to express”
3. The ME Time for each other
When was the last time you went on a date with your partner or planned a surprise dinner for them? Or sat to spend some precious time together with a discussion centric only to you both? Not very often isn’t, because you’re too tied up playing being parents, peers, and otherworldly roles. The feeling of spending some time exclusively dedicated to each other takes a backseat.
If you’re missing out on the quality ME time with each other then it’s time to reinvigorate your relationship. Just a little effort from both the life partners is enough to spice up the relationship.
Begin by taking out time for each other for some spontaneous actions to rekindle your romance- by indulging in flirtatious gestures, and expressive love like kissing, hugging, fondling, and holding hands. Revive your memorable moments by zipping off to cozy- dates, fun -frolic shopping, surprise gifts-flowers, late-night movies, long drives, unplanned holidays, and rediscovering each other.
Even a time spent at home cozily with a cup of coffee or glass of wine together at night can be a refresher. If you’re unable to go out create a romantic date at home with some favorite takeaways, music, dance or simply holding hands and watching a nice movie or just talking.Saying often 3 magical words “I Love You” or texting love messages to your partner does wonder.
Try to invent your ways to charge up each other’s passionate moods and you’ll realize that there is so much more to discover together to have an amazingly merrier life ahead.
Quality ME time for each other is an efficacious way to make your partner feel wanted and desired by you.
“There is no way to invest in a relationship without investing your time.
To sum up, a regular display of emotions between the partners creates a stratum of positivity in a couple’s well-being by minimizing to great extent stress, anxiety, misunderstanding, and keeping at bay marital discord and above all infidelity.
Nitya and Ram will be better placed if they introduce random spontaneity in their routines. The spontaneity of indulging in regular lovemaking, open communication, and spending quality ME time with each other.
Relation blossoms on the bed of love with frequent surprises in form of uncertainty and spontaneity to keep partners in the hunt for wild guesses and it gives you an ecstatic adrenaline rush that you miss in routine.
So, keep falling in love again and again by rediscovering each other.